We would teach nine necessary skills on how to become a successful hoarder.
1. How to clutter your hallways
2. How to start a recycling drop site in your own kitchen.
3. How to get over the mindset that “I’ll never need this again so let’s throw it away.”
4. Where to find old soiled newspapers in your neighborhood.
5. One thousand and one uses for old plastic grocery sacks.
6. One year subscription to the hoarders magazine “The Cardboard Connoisseur”.
7. How to become successful at compulsively throwing away your lists of things you actually need.
8. How to resist the urge to choose family over garbage.
9. How to use strategy and map out trash nights in your town.
We would distribute helpful literature and teaching resources:
· A free copy of “It’s Trash But It’s Half Price” and “Buying Without A Plan”
· The Hoarders Obsessive Compulsive Guide to Collecting Practically Everything
· The Idiots Guide to Becoming Successfully Self Centered
· The Dummies Guide to Collecting Scrap Metal and Three Legged Furniture
· The 1950’s Classic Horror Movie DVD- “The Slob”
· Hoarders children’s stories- Famous Story Book Hoarders- Eeyore- the donkey in the Winnie The Pooh series- Eeyore lived in the house on Pooh Corner. One critic wrote -“One of the worst case scenarios of pooh hoarding in modern literature.”
Students would learn that the key to becoming a successful hoarder is to remember the acronym S.N.O.R.T.
S. Save Everything
N. NEVER, never put out the trash
O. Overload all living spaces
R. Recycle everything back into your piles
T. Throw out nothing except family and relatives that complain about your hoarding. Send them packing to live at Motel 6.